Share Your Heart

Last night I was going through some of my old things and I found some notes scribbled on scrap paper that I had taken during youth camp when I was interning with International teams in Ukraine the summer before my senior year at Judson University, and since it really seems to go with what I’ve been hearing lately and some of the reason for this blog, I figured I’d better share.

               During my 9 week internship in Ukraine with International Teams, I got to help the missionaries and the church in Ukraine with their summer camps.   For three weeks we packed up our tents, sleeping bags, notebooks, and camp activity supplies and drove up into the mountains of Lisarnea Ukraine, to a little farm house and barn.  Across the little gravel road from the barn was a field where I set up my tent and the next day kids and youth from around Ukraine would fill the field surrounding my tent with their own tents and we literally camped for a week.  Each week we met in the barn for worship and lessons, had games and competitions, dance, English, and art classes, among others, hiked in the mountains and studied scripture.  We ate lots of buckwheat and borscht and had tea and cookies every night around 9pm.  During the youth and leaders camps, we had campfires and great conversation and, with the help of a dear friend translating, we played mafia.  It was an incredible three weeks filled with fun, adventure, learning, growing, and God.  When people talked about the location of the camp being “Lisarnea” it sounded to me like “Narnia,” which was appropriate to me as I felt like I had stepped through some magical wardrobe or off a magical train to a magical new world where amazing things happened.

               Week 2 in “Narnia” was a youth camp, and we really had an incredible group of kids!  I got the privilege of being a sort of “counselor” or “group leader” for some of them, and this was such a blessing for me.  One night at worship we were all asked to spend some time listening to God and we were given pen and paper to write anything that we felt God speaking to us.  Through translators we all got to hear some of the beautiful things God was speaking to these Ukrainian youth during our time hidden away in the mountains.  During this week of camp, I got the chance to share my testimony.  I enjoy sharing my testimony as it reminds me of all the cool things God has done in my life and the places he has brought me and lessons he has taught me, but every time I go to share it, I struggle.  I struggle to think that what I have to say is at all important.  I struggle, comparing my story and my lessons to the stories of others who are sharing and I think “wow her testimony is so much more powerful, mine really isn’t important.”  I see people react with tears, moved and encouraged and challenged, as others share and I think to myself that their testimony was better than mine or that message was more important and I could never have anything worthy of sharing and being listened to.  Of course these things are all lies, but I often give into them and keep my thoughts and stories and the things God has placed on my heart to myself thinking that anything coming from me is not worth anything.  This, of course, uncovers deeper lies that the devil constantly tortures me with about my own self-worth and capabilities and callings.  So, now that I’ve gotten really vulnerable, let’s continue.  These are the things that I was struggling with that week, and during our listening and worshiping time I felt the Lord start to speak to me, so I wrote, and this is what He said to me:

 “Share your heart so I can speak through you.   Open your mouth!  This is how I can heal you and speak to you.  Persevere, have faith.  Even if no one cries, even if no one listens, it will begin to set you free.” 

This was both terrifying and encouraging for me as God was challenging me to simply open my mouth and let His words come out.  He was speaking to me that sharing with others, even if it didn’t seem to move them in any powerful or supernatural way, was what I needed to do to be able to hear from God, to begin to heal and to reject the lies of the devil and be set free from them, and to be able to grow in Him.  He was speaking to me that even if it seemed like all my fears were true and no one cared, that I needed to share the things on my heart with others.  As I wrote these words and thought about what God was saying, I prayed “God, give me strength to be obedient.”  I wrote this down and continued to pray and listen and process this message the Lord had given me.  As I sat there praying, one of the youth kids came up to me with a small piece of paper in their hands, which they handed to me and told me it was something for me.  I opened the paper and immediately got those Holy Spirit tingles and began to cry, because as I was silently praying and internally struggling and listening and asking God for strength, God had spoken to one of the kids with a message for me that simply said “Miranda thank you for your strength. God”

               Since then, I have still struggled to speak up and share my thoughts, but every time I do I am encouraged by those I share with and I learn so much more than if I try to mull things over by myself.  I am learning that this is really what I need to do to really understand what God is teaching me. I need other people, friends, family, church, community who are willing to listen and I need to be brave enough to ask others to listen to me and to share my heart.  And that is part of the reason for this blog, to help me to process the things God is teaching me, it is a way to open my mouth and hope that God speaks to others through my words, it is a way I am trying to be obedient to Him.  If this doesn’t encourage or touch you in any way, if this is your first time reading my blog and this wasn’t interesting and you’ll never read it again, if this all means nothing to you then that’s ok, I honestly don’t share these things for you, I still struggle to see myself as important enough for others to invest time in, but I write these things for me.  And if from reading this you are encouraged to speak up, inspired to go out, or challenged to spend more time listening to God, then all glory to Him for using my human words to bring about something for His purpose.

Thank you for reading! 

Leadership Lessons

            Have you ever read a familiar verse or chapter of scripture and suddenly see it in a new way?  You know the words are familiar but all of a sudden the meaning, the principles, the application is completely revolutionary and incredible and you think, “WOW, this is amazing, now I really understand this passage?”  That recently happened to me.  The verse of the day popped up on my phone, 1 Peter 5:10 and I thought “this is comforting and applicable, thanks God!” Then I read the whole chapter of 1 Peter 5 and I was amazed by what I found.  It was what I imagine it must be like for people who need glasses.  Before, they see the world all blurry and fuzzy, they can still appreciate the beauty, but there’s so much they’re missing that they don’t even know!  Then when you get the right prescription of glasses you realize there’s so much more detail, vibrancy, intricacy in the world around you.  There are textures and designs and patterns that you never knew existed and it’s like you’re experiencing the world for the first time.  Of course, this is just what I imagine it to be like, since I have 20/20 vision ;) But this is what my experience was like reading 1 Peter 5.  As I read I heard many verses that I’ve heard quoted time and again and I know I’ve read through the chapter before, but it felt like new.  Here is what I found.

            1 Peter 5 is about leadership.  I encourage you to read the chapter or maybe even the book in its entirety, because I’m not going to type it all out here, but this is what I learned about leadership from this passage.  First, leadership is not something you gain from being really successful, working really hard, or being really good at telling people what to do.  Leadership is something that you do willingly because you care for the sheep.  It is not some high status that gives you authority over others; you actually shouldn’t expect to get anything for yourself as a leader.

             This leads to the second thing I learned from this passage, leadership isn’t that high status of authority, but it is a position of humility.  Verse 2 says, “shepherd the flock of God that is among you.”  That means that you are not “on top” of them or standing outside of them, this means you are with them, beside them, next to them, not on any different level.  This small verse also says to “shepherd the flock” or “tend to the flock.” Not order or tell the flock.  This phrase gives us a picture of caring for the needs of those among us.  Tending to them, helping them, protecting, caring for hurts, feeding … Leadership is doing everything we can to meet the needs of those God has placed around us.  That one point is loaded in and of itself with so many possible illustrations and implications, but I’ll move on and let you come up with your own. 

            Verse 3 tells us not to be bossy leaders, giving instructions and telling people they’re doing it all wrong, but it says we also must be examples to the flock, showing those around us to the best of our abilities what it is to follow Jesus.  This calls for integrity in and outside of where you consider yourself the leader.  Leadership is a lifestyle, not just confined to a specific work space or volunteer area.  You might even be a leader for people you’ve never met.  If you have younger siblings, you know how hard this can be after getting multiple lectures about how your younger siblings are always watching you, looking up to you, and following your example.  As a Christ follower, you represent Christ wherever you go.  People are watching and listening and there are many who LOVE when Christians slip up.  This is not to say that we need to pretend to be perfect and have our lives completely together, that’s impossible and it’s important for others to know that Christians are human, but we should also take our role of representing our savior seriously and constantly ask Him for strength and the ability to resist temptations and represent Him well.

             Another thing I learned from this chapter is that leaders are not the ones who save people.  Verse 6 tells us to be humble and then to cast all our anxieties on Him, because he cares for us.  These anxieties and worries are the ones you have for yourself and your own life, but in this context I see it more as the anxieties and worries a leader might have for those they are leading.  Many times as I’m working in ministry I worry about if I’m doing things good enough or I take on the burdens of those I’m serving and if I see no evidence of change or healing or improvement I feel like I’ve failed, because I’m worried about trying to save them, but this is not my job!  Like I said earlier, my job as a leader is to be among the sheep, to care for them as best I know how, and to be an example to them of a Christ follower.  Everything beyond that, the life change and transformation and the healing, this is all God’s piece to worry about.  As a leader I need to stop worrying and agonizing over the change and healing I’m not seeing and humbly surrender “my” ministry back to God, trusting Him to take care of that part, and continuing to serve faithfully and tending to my flock and being an example event when things aren’t perfect and even when it doesn’t seem like it’s doing any good. 

            Lastly, this chapter tells me that all leaders suffer as targets of the devil.  Verses 8-9 tell us that the devil “prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour.”  And the devil knows exactly what eats away at each and every one of us.  He knows how to push our buttons, make us doubt, and how to take that willingness and desire to lead others to Christ away from us.  Whether he’s filling your mind with lies about your own self-worth, distracting you with the business of life so you think you don’t have time to spend with God, causing petty arguments between you and your loved ones, or just wreaking havoc in your life with car problems bug infestations and sickness, he knows what he’s doing and what will really get to you.  So,  the scripture says to be watchful, to resist the devil, and to stay firm in your faith and then the encouragement of verse 10 comes and it states that “after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”  Leadership is challenging and hard, but we don’t do it on our own or out of our own strength.  We do it willingly because we love God and desire to serve Him, and although we don’t deserve anything from Him, God promises that He cares for us, that he will strengthen us, and confirm us in Him.  He even promises the “unfading crown of glory” when he returns and finds his faithful shepherds. 

            These are a short and simple summary of the things I learned, the things I found revolutionary, the things that clicked for me and encouraged me.  There’s so much more I could say, but I hope this was helpful for you.  I’d love to hear your thoughts and your take on this chapter, as this is only my perspective as I am just barely starting to process this passage.  Thanks for reading and letting me process with you!

“To Him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen” – 1 Peter 5:11

Let's Try This Again

Recently I was talking with a dear friend catching up on life and she told me that I should have a blog to share all of my stories.  I told her that I used to have a blog, but hadn't kept up with it.  She encouraged me that it would be a great way to share with my friends and family the things going on in my life, since I now live far away from many of them.  So, here I am.  It took me forever to even log into this blog, it's been so long.  I thought about starting a whole new one, since it seemed kind of silly to come back to something I had neglected for so long, but I decided to continue with this one, once I was finally able to log in, because a lot of time has passed and it's amazing to see where God has brought me from, the things he taught me years ago, and where He's brought me since then.  

So, let's try this again...

Let me introduce myself, since so much has changed.  I'm Miranda Jones.  I'm from the Midwest cornfields and am now living in the big city of Houston Texas working part time as an Assistant Director of Missions for First United Methodist Downtown and part time as the Children's Ministry Director of a non-proft called Neighbors in Action in the Port of Houston.  I graduated from Judson University in Elgin Illinois on May 2nd of 2015, and left on a mission trip to Peru on May 3rd.  I got home, learned to drive my standard transmission car, Ernesto, and 10 days later moved to Houston to start the two jobs I have now.  

This last year and two months have been some of the most difficult and challenging times of my entire life as I was thrown into figuring out how to be an adult in the real world in a big city in a part of the country that is very unfamiliar to me and into two very unique first real adult jobs.  I've cried a lot, I've felt lonely like I've never felt it before, I've disappointed people and made mistakes, I've dealt with bed bugs, cockroaches, flat tires, bad brakes, traffic, been overwhelmed by H.E.B., and been bitten by fire ants multiple times.  I moved in with a complete stranger and had to learn how to pay rent, loans, utilities, budget for my own food, do my taxes, get my car registered in Texas and get a Texas drivers license.  I've gotten familiar with the airport traveling home to see my family and picking up friends and family coming to visit me.  At work I've been cussed out by a 4 year old, physically restrained some children, misunderstood and miss-communicated, bitten off more than I could chew, been terrible at time management and felt like giving up.  It has not been an easy transition and there's still so much I have to learn and so many more mistakes to be made.  

But that's not all there is to be said about my new adult life.  I've also experienced so many amazing blessings and had some incredible opportunities and met some fantastic people and I've learned and grown so much!  

As the Assistant Director of Missions I've gotten to witness incredible generosity, meet people in all sorts of incredible ministries around the city of Houston, hear powerful testimonies, share my testimony, encourage others to serve, be encouraged by so many people in what I'm doing, and recently I got to lead an amazing team of people on a mission trip to Honduras and watch God move in amazing ways in their lives.  I have gotten to host a missionary family passing through Houston, attend a medical missions conference, meet with city leaders to discuss homelessness in Houston, and help run an event which had 400 people serving multiple ministries across Houston.  I've watched people completely light up as they discover the joy of using gifts they didn't even know they had or think were significant to serve God's people.  It still amazes me every time I cruse into downtown that this is where I work.

At Neighbors in Action I've gotten to run and create and re-create programs for some of the sweetest, sassiest and most awesome and welcoming kids I've ever met.  I've gotten to take kids out for ice cream and get to know them better and hang out at the pool.  I've seen kids going from only speaking Spanish to being perfectly bilingual. I've gotten to celebrate with kids as they promote to another grade. I've gotten to see them grow tremendously in every way in the small amount of time I've been here.  I've gotten to bring kids to camp, watch them learn to worship and witness them open up about struggles and gotten to speak truth to them and help them understand who Jesus is.  I've gotten to hear heartbreaking stories, pray over those situations, and see God start to bring healing that can only come from Him.   I've been welcomed into a community completely different from me, fed the most amazing homemade Mexican, Honduran, and El Salvadorian food and kissed on the cheek.  I get hugs daily from kids who I've done nothing to earn love from, but they give it freely. 

Personally I've made friends who have been kind enough to help me move furniture into my first apartment, let me stay at their house for a week when my car broke down, let me join them and their family at the beach Easter weekend, and even hooked me up with a sweet deal on my first house on my own. (Most of those were one person, so shout out to my girl Dahlia who never lets on if she's sick of seeing me every day and is still letting me be her neighbor now ;) 

And these are just the few things I can remember at the moment from this last year.  There have been many other hardships, but so many blessings.  My calling and goal is still even further south, but I really feel like this is where I'm supposed to be right now, like I'm in a season of training and preparation for what's next, and even though it has been a difficult season, it's been a blessed season of growth and so many life lessons.  My relationship with God isn't where I'd like it to be and I know it's because I try to often to handle all of these things on my own and not in His strength.  Let me tell you, that doesn't work.  I'm amazed by how, even when I'm not faithful or have a whiny complaining attitude or am wallowing in a pit a self-pity, God continues to show incredible grace and favor and pour out so many blessings on my life.  It's a great reminder that I don't earn any of these blessings I've received, I don't deserve them at all.

So today I thank God for this last year and this new season of life.  I thank Him for the hard times that teach me life lessons and push me closer to Him and for the good times, which I do not deserve but show me that He really is a good good Father.  I pray that I would be more thankful for the many blessings He's poured out on me, that I would lean on Him for strength when things are hard and look for the lesson to be learned and I pray that I would be constantly made more and more aware of the Holy Spirit with me and moving in people around me.