Urbana: Prayer Room

 All week I had been keeping myself busy at the Urbana Student Missions Conference by making sure I attended every seminar I possibly could, trying to get through the exhibit hall, worried that I was going to miss an exhibit I should have visited, and looking through the book store to see if there were any MUST haves.  In a way I had been putting off going to the prayer rooms they offered.  There was so much else that I had to get done!  I couldn't miss anything!  But, the whole conference long in the back of my mind I knew I should spend a little time there.  Maybe a half hour before dinner or something.  The last full day of Urbana I finally made my way to the ministry prayer room.  It was pretty neat!  They had booths set up with guidance questions, verses, and activities to help think and pray through confession, forgiveness, identity, fear, and things like that.  I spent some time walking around and looking at what was there.

Finally I sat down against the wall and tried to clear my mind.  I felt that God was speaking to me, so I got out my notebook at started to compose a letter to myself from God containing what I believe he was speaking to me during that time.  This is what I heard the Lord saying, and I hope He uses this to speak to you as well:

"My Dear Child, 
Find peace in me, come to me
relax and find joy in me.  
Stop trying to fill the "empty space"
with busy, meaningless work.
COME TO ME.  Come and give
me your burdens,  I WANT
to be with you, but sometimes
you consistently avoid me.
Stop trying to put conditions on me like "if He would 
just speak clearly I'll be content."
You'll always be in a struggle and you'll always
want more, but instead of getting anxious enjoy
my presence, lose yourself
in me.  Lose yourself and
focus on me.  Only then will you see yourself through
my eyes only then will you be filled with truth and
 freed from fear.  Come.  Enjoy.  Have peace.  I enjoy you,
and I long for you to enjoy me.  I love you,
Daddy"

A lot of this probably doesn't make sense, and this is definitely not the Bible.  This is just my humble human effort to put into words what I believe God was speaking, but I hope you can see God's truths in this personal letter and that you can make it your own.  God ENJOYS you!  He loves you and longs for time with you!  He wants you to just BE with Him.  After writing this, God led me to read the story of Jesus' visit to Mary and Martha found in Luke 10:38-42.  In this passage, Martha opens her home to Jesus but then gets "distracted by all the preparations that had to be made."  While she's rushing around trying to make everything perfect to please Jesus, Martha's sister Mary is just sitting at Jesus' feet soaking up His words.  Martha gets upset that Mary isn't helping her so she goes to Jesus and says "Lord don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself?  Tell her to help me!"  I can identify with Martha.  So many times I can get caught up in all the preparations.  I get distracted by all the things I have to get done.  I need to serve here and go there and make sure I do the right thing in this situation and say that to this person.  Serve, serve, serve, work, work, work as if I could earn the approval of God or somehow make myself presentable to Him or pleasing to Him.  Don't get me wrong, serving is awesome!  We're called to serve God and others as Christians, but we do this out of our love for God and amazement at His love for us, not because it will get us anything or earn us anything in return.  Jesus responds to Martha in verses 41-42, "'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'"  What Jesus says about Martha is the same for me.  I get so worried and upset about so many things, but the only thing that is needed is Jesus.  Maybe you can relate.  After reading this, I felt God saying this to me: Are you going to busy yourself with preparations while I wait, or will you come and listen and enjoy me?  Your "good deeds" won't make you valuable. I DO."  It's up to you.  Don't miss out on spending time with God!  He's calling you, He enjoys you, and He loves you.  Spend some time with Him not asking Him for anything, not worrying about anything, not getting upset over anything, but just enjoy being in His presence!